Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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