I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
