Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
