My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
