A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize