is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
