i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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