so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
