last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
