i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Is it penis luge time yet?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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