Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
