who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
