if i can run in heels then i can drive
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
