They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
