I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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