he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
