The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Porn is love you can see.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
