is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
