I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
