Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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