I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
