Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
