So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't deserve a penis
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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