Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
