windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
