Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
