Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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