I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Vodka?
Forever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
