Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
