i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
