Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
