my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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