I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize