the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
