I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
