After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
