yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize