your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
