yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
