I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
