there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
