so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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