OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
