I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
