would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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