Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
