He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
