Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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