You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
