Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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