He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
