I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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