We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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