Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize