Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
try to milk me bitch
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