He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
