Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
where am i from again
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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