Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Randomize
