Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
