do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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