I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
