I'm lost and stupid without you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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