I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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