just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
