Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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