too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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