What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
