Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
