My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
